For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize