You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
