Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
