This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
