awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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