I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
