Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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