Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
pray to the hookup gods
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize