You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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