In the future we'll all be gay
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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