if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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