ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
