i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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