I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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