So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
