I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
