Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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