guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
