I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
