I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize