the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
