Cold hands, warm shart.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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