dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
