just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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