I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
