It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize