You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
