I'm jealous of your bromance
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
