i used baking grease as lip gloss
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
