Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
