you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
