Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.

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(415): View more from California

they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..

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(816): View more from Missouri

and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.

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(404): View more from Georgia

He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?

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(847): View more from Illinois

What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?

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(503): View more from Oregon

You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.

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(207): View more from Maine

I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

When are you getting back?

(440): View more from Ohio

Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days

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