My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize