Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
