so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
