you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
