If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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