my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
