The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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