I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
