so explain again why im purple
no
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
