"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
