So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
