Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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