so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
