there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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