I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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