hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
