I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
