we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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