i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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