Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
