So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
