My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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