I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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