Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
