Heybabeimwearingurpanties
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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