About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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