She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Are we still banned from the library?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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