if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
