highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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