Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
