This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
