If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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