the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
These tits shall not be calmed
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