i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
